you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Found your dick twin last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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