Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
