I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
