Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
