Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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