Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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