First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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