But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
