brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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