i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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