I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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