I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
