I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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