I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
