Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think i got beer on your cat.
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