piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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