dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this just has baby written all over it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
