Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
