Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize