What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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