Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
