dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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