I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
