I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
