he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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