He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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