She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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