I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
