I am puke
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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