We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
