I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
