Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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