I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
