Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
