no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
