i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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