Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
