I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
