she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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