I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
