this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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