Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
