I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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