My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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