I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize