My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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