How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
organizing the empties. That sober.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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