so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
