I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
