Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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