I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
