so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
