No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
