can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
