I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
