Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
