im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he thought i was a dude.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
