If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
