if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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