He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
