So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
