It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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