I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
