some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
