The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
