I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
