I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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