Too much gin, very little bucket
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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