A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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