And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
