Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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