Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
