Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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