smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
