trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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