i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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